What does that kind of heartache feel like? I'm almost jealous that you know that kind of emotion, because most people live in a day to day fog of neutralness.
I guess I can describe it like… imagine all the things that drive your happiness making up a pie chart. Some things may have higher percentages than others, but nothing is too extreme, except maybe experiencing some of them in combination. Then suddenly you meet someone and it makes you feel like you’ve never felt before, and it’s so exciting that you let it become 95% your pie chart, and all other things get squished down to barely anything. But then, the hope of being with that person disappears, leaving a big, gaping, hollow space in your pie chart. The other things that make you happy… they don’t go back to taking up the same percentage as before. And so 95% of you now is just sadness and emptiness, and desperation to know what it would’ve been like if he could’ve fulfilled your happiness in the way that you wanted him to.
(And even if over time, if those original percentages were to get closer to where they were before… it’s really hard to feel that 95% at once again. You’re still not getting much more than neutral.)
today im more devastated than i’ve been in month and months. that stupid video i made (which im relinking because i dont care who sees it) may have made me seem a bit crazy to you but it is absolutely no reflection of the crushing pain i feel every single day, each day is a nightmare i can’t wake up from, and there is nothing in this life or after it that could offer me any comfort.
Jules, for the love of god, TAKE THE VIDEO DOWN. I say it with love, but if that falls into the wrong hands, you can end up like a meme. Like that stalker girl video. It's a bit scary, even for your fans. And you ARE lovable, but you're becoming hard on yourself. He sounds more like a negative influence than a positive one...
It really came off that bad? I deleted it but I don’t see why it was so scary….
Did you tell work guy how you feel?? *sorry if this is insensitive*
No, it’s actually been awhile since I’ve seen him. We’ve been working at home a bit lately, although we’re back together tomorrow. I was going to wait until after the company meeting (when the music night is). I was thinking of writing a letter.
have u decided on what song to play at the talent thingy btw?? wishin u the best of luck :)
Oh you’re sweet to ask about that- it turns out they want me to play a bunch of songs as part of like a band, so I’m not really sure if I’ll get to solo any desperate love songs. Although I got some really wonderful suggestions and I’m learning some of them anyway. Its in two weeks and I’ve been practicing like crazy, once its over I can do some more art stuff.
I’m just praying I don’t screw it up and completely embarrass myself in front of him.
all my friendships and relationships are falling apart i am unlovable and alone
sorry this may be the stupidest question ever but who is carolotta? and btw i think you are very nice and wonderful and sorry for my stupidity
no it’s not stupid, she’s from The Life and Times, the most popular Jily fanfiction ever. if i remember correctly she falls in love with both frank and james, neither of whom return her feelings.
I don't see you as a Snape or as a Carlotta. I see you as Jim Halpert.
Jim is much closer. Actually I remember asking why it was romantic when Jim went after Pam, but I kept getting called a homewrecker. I feel like there’s some sexism coming into play here but it doesn’t really matter, because work guy does not have the feelings for me that Pam had for Jim, and is 100% going through with his wedding and when that happens I will lose my head completely.
What did you consider some of the illogical things from the Maze Runner books?
so, it’s been awhile since i read the books, so i’m not sure if i can answer this completely accurately. but here’s what i remember:
the first like, entire half of the book is thomas asking questions that no one will answer… for no reason at all. thankfully in the movie people were more responsive to him, otherwise it would’ve been 6 hours long.
also i’m glad they cut the code made up of random words they needed to leave the maze. it just didn’t feel all that clever, no “aha” moment or anything. in the movie, the maze operated based on the griever’s location, so it was more logical that the code they’d need to enter to exit the maze would reflect the order in which the grievers from each section leave the maze.
unfortunately, the least sensible thing about the book is still in there, the ‘twist’ where thomas and theresa remember they helped build the maze. memory wiped or not, it becomes so much less exciting when they discover anything about the maze, because you know they already knew it.
and like, the story would have been exactly the same without that twist? like why would a bunch of adult scientists have two teenagers help design a maze anyway? why give them the ability to speak telepathically? (thankfully cut). and why is one of them in a coma? there’s so many things that happen for seemingly no logical reason and you can chalk it up to “measuring brain activity”, but you don’t get any insight as to what kind of data they’re getting. god this series could have been SO GOOD if it was just a bit smarter.
Ok so Maze Runner last night - amazing action sequences and perfect casting. The maze scenes were such a rush even knowing what was going to happen. grievers were wonderful, great sound and visuals. they fortunately cut out some of the more illogical parts of the book. i mean, the book’s never as clever as it wants to be, and they made up for it by adding suspense.
lots of screen time for my fav characters ki hong lee and thomas brodie sangster and his beautiful elven face. will poulter was also a way better gally than his book character, and dylan obrien did a great job with what he was given. kaya was unfortunately pretty dull onscreen but looked the part for sure.
i wanted the script to be a bit wittier and make use of it’s PG13 rating. it was grisly enough, but needed more (real) swearing, more stupid teenage boy jokes and whatnot. 50 gross teenage boys being stuck in an enclosure for 3 years should be funnier. but yeah still enjoyed it, i’d totally see it again.
I overestimated the maze runners popularity and I got to the theater too early and I’m sitting here alone like a weirdo. I hope this is worth it review to follow
at least carlotta got to hook up with james
…yeah i’m aware. i’m nothing like carlotta, who, if i recall correctly, is beautiful and doesn’t need makeup, hooks up with lots of dudes, and was actually loved more than one person throughout the story?
snape is more accurate but work guy and i don’t have nearly the close relationship that snape and lily had. people tell me stories of their unrequited love all the time, and it’s always either a best friend, or an ex or someone they’d hooked up with. But I just don’t find them that relateable. At least with a best friend, they do care about you in some way. At least with an ex, you know what their affection felt like at one point. we will never be close by any definition and I can’t even wrap my brain around what it would feel like.
you are the snape to work guys+his fiancees jily
this one was nicer
have you thought of telling Work Guy how you feel about him on your last day with him? It would take away the weight from your heart and there would be no consequences because you will not see each other again after that.
I would be considering that if the end of this project didn’t coincide so closely with his actual wedding, which is 193 days away. I don’t know if I could wait that long. It’s been so long already. It’s been exactly 9 months today since the first day we worked together.
that drawn picture of jily you reblogged looks more like andrew garfield as peter parker and emma stone as gwen stacy
Oh it’s clearly based off a photo of them, I think she managed to differentiate James enough, not so with Lily. I still think it’s nice.